remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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