hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
There's always time for handjobs
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
