i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
