either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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