guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
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