who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Randomize
