Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Randomize
