Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
