Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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