if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
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