Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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