Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
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