Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
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