I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
