alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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