it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
