My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
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