so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
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