friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Randomize
