I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Randomize
