I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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