Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I could fuck to npr.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Randomize
