Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Randomize
