i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize