apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
