I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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