***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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