so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
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