If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
