hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
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