I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Randomize
