have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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