is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Randomize
