I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
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