WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
