Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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