Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I need a beard to bite.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
