I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
