My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
