He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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