What a fucking waste of an outfit
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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