I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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