Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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