either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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