There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I need water and some morals
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
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