I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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