you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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