i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
