Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
