If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
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