Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
