Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
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