its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
