I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize