Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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