Can Purell be used as lube?
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
