yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Randomize
