i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Randomize