I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
