Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
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