the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
