sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Then you guys just all showered together...?
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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