ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
