Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
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