I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Randomize
