it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Randomize
