im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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