I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize