You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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