That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
